My Journey To Health and Happiness

I grew up in a small town in Nova Scotia but I guess you could say that despite this, I've always had big dreams. My husband likes to say that I am an optimist in every sense of the word, often proposing ideas or views to him that as a realist sound completely unrealistic. I easily see the good and I often over look the bad, forgetting to take the time to consider the "what ifs". I guess looking back, some of my ideas actually were completely unrealistic but even some of those ideas that at first seemed impossible, turned out to be completely possible. Between being a dreamer and being stubborn, usually once I get an idea in my head and my heart becomes set on that idea, I am unable to stop until I've finished what I set out to do.

My first mission in life was to go to Australia. After seeing a movie when I was 6 yrs old about a child who travelled to Australia by postage stamp, I decided that one day I would go to this magical land. Growing up poor, our farthest family vacation was to a camping ground a couple of hrs away or to my Aunts house but throughout all of my years growing up, I held onto this idea of going to Australia knowing that one day I would get there. Three weeks after my 18th birthday I bought a one way ticket and alone I jumped on a plane for the first time and I was finally on my way to Australia.

The night of February 6th, 2011 was no different than that night as a child when after watching a movie, I decided that I was going to go to Australia, except the movie was pictures and the goal was to have the body of my dreams and become radiantly healthy and happy in every aspect of my life.

Like most girls, my issues with body image and my weight began in my teens..well actually they began before then, when I was in the 6th grade. I wasn't overweight then, I was actually quite skinny, I just had a rather large backside for my body frame and some of the boys in my class gave me the nick name bubble butt. Throughout my teens I struggled with low self esteem, always comparing myself to other girls and deciding that I didn't quite compare. I would go through periods of exercising 2-3 hrs a day and barely eating to periods of overeating and not exercising. I yo-yoed many times throughout my teens and very early 20's between 130lbs and 150lbs never being happy with what I saw in the mirror.

In my early 20's, I felt that I had finally found balance. I managed to keep my weight between 130lbs and 140lbs by eating "healthy" and balancing it with exercises like running, yoga and snowboarding. I even saved up money and went through a surgery to get breast implants as I'd always felt self conscious about my chest, feeling that my smaller breasts were "freakishly" out of proportion to my larger hips. I was happy with my body, I finally accepted it. I didn't like the extra "puffiness" that I carried around my mid section and I wasn't so pleased with the cellulite on my legs or on my butt but I reasoned that these things were due to genetics and things that I was unable to change.

It was at this time that I reconnected with the love of my life who I'd lost touch with during my years of travelling and living overseas. My husband and I first met when I was 15. Looking back now I can honestly say that it was love at first sight. We dated briefly in our teens and then our lives went separate ways.     

We still stayed in touch for a while, even when I went to Australia at 18 but we slowly lost touch. Through the friend that we originally first met through, we got back in touch after not talking for 5 years. After dating long distance for nearly a year with him living in Ontario while I was living in Alberta, we made the move back to Nova Scotia together. Our plan was to move closer to our families and to start setting up our lives for marriage and a family of our own. Things happened much faster than we had planned though as we found out that we were expecting only two weeks after returning to our home province. We bumped up the wedding and we were married in August of 2008 when I was three months pregnant.

Although at the point when I became pregnant I was quite healthy, I became really sick almost as soon as I became pregnant. Basically any healthy foods like vegetables, fruit, or chicken would come back up instantly. Even the smell of eggs or chicken cooking would have me running to the bathroom within seconds to get sick. Greasy, starchy carbohydrates like chips, pizza and french fries seemed to be the only foods that would stay down. They would also help to settle my stomach and take away a bit of the constant nauseous feeling. So, I ate and I ate and the weight piled on. During my pregnancy I went from weighing 130lbs to weighing 208lbs before I refused to look at the scale anymore. I would assume that I put on another 5lbs or more in those last 2 weeks, which would put me at over 80lbs gained in 9 months.  While gaining the weight I also lost more and more of my self esteem with every single pound that I put on. By the end of my pregnancy it seemed that my old zest for life had all but disappeared and I had become a shadow of my former happy, self confident, outgoing self.

I became pregnant with my daughter less than 5 months after my son was born. I wasn't nearly as sick the second time. I gained a lot less weight with this pregnancy, topping out at 185lbs at 38 weeks pregnant when my daughter was born. Needless to say that after 2 back to back pregnancies, a large amount of weight gained and after having 2 c-sections, my body no longer resembled anything close to my pre pregnancy body.

                          

It was Sunday, February 6th, 2011 the night that my life changed forever. It had been 9 months since I'd given birth to my daughter. I was still overweight at 5'3 weighing 145lbs with a very high body fat percentage. I was tired all day every day and I was tired of living my life as a miserable frumpy mother, always wearing sweatpants and embarrassed of my body both in and out of clothes. That night I was searching the Internet for hope that I would one day be happy with my body and my life again. I was searching for before and after pictures of mothers who'd had tummy tucks. I wanted a mental picture of what my belly would one day look like when we could one day afford the surgery. I'd believed at that time that surgery was my only option to have a "normal" belly again.

I found two pictures that night that gave me hope. Both of these pictures will forever be imprinted in my mind but neither of them were of women who've had tummy tucks. They were pictures of mothers who were fitness models. The first picture was a before and after picture of Jennifer Nicole Lee. The second picture was of Kim Dolan Leto. She was wearing a black and white zebra print bikini while holding her young daughter. I remember being completely in awe of how stunning she was with her amazing body and beaming smile on her beautiful face. I could see how happy and healthy she was spiritually, mentally and physically and I wanted that. I wanted self confidence and I wanted to be truly happy in every sense of the word. I wanted to be proud to stand there in a tiny bikini with my young children and I wanted to be radiantly healthy in mind, body and spirit. Seeing that picture of Kim set my goal and seeing that picture of Jennifer made me believe that I could achieve it. I took a before picture that very night and I promised myself that I would never look that way ever again.

On Kim's site she mentions that she sometimes does the program Insanity in her training and she also talked about eating clean and gave a breakdown of her diet and calories. So, that is what I started with and the very next day I started on day 1 of Insanity and I started eating clean. The other two goals that I set at the same time where to enter my first bodybuilding competition and to enter the Status Fitness magazine cover contest in the fall.

I stuck with the Insanity program for the first three weeks before finding myself exhausted and deciding not to continue after 3 days of still doing workouts despite hurting my leg which was only making it worse. I decided that there must be an easier way and I turned to an at home workout in Oxygen magazine.  I purchased two 8lb weights, some resistant bands and between the exercises in the magazine and others that I found online I alternated between upper body and lower body days doing exercises throughout the day while watching the kids like various squats, push ups and tricep dips. I stored my little weights in the kitchen cupboard and I would sneak off for a couple of minutes at a time to do excercises like shoulder presses or bicep curls. It was also at this time that I started focusing and learning more about nutrition. All of my spare time was consumed with reading articles on nutrition, articles on training and also on competing. I had fallen in love with my new lifestyle and then in June, I made the decision to enrol in school to become certified as a Nutritionist.

The weight was coming off and I was becoming stronger and healthier physically, mentally and spiritually by the day. With every little goal that I reached, the sparkle in my eye became a little brighter and almost before I realised that it had happened, the once out going girl who had disappeared returned and was ready once again to take on the world.

It has been just over 10 months since my journey to my new life began. I am now in the absolute best shape of my life. I have reached my goal of becoming truly happy and healthy physically, mentally and spiritually. I also ran for the Status Fitness magazine cover contest in October earning my spot in the finals. Last month I stepped on the stage for the first time weighing 114lbs.
I have set many new goals over these past 10 months and I will be continuing to work hard towards each and every one of them while also setting many more. Yes, I am sure that just like with reaching any goal there will be some obstacles along the way but I will stay focused and I will get through each and every one of them.

"I've felt weak before.

Becoming strong made me a fighter.

I refuse to give up on myself."

-Kim Dolan Leto